Simple lessons for operating a vehicle

Some would say that blogging about this particular topic is like stapling jello to a tree: it’s possible, but in reality, it’s a: useless and b: a waste of good jello. But, let’s look at some things that people struggle with, as I am currently out of jello.

I detest people who don’t use their blinker. I want to kick these people in the shins very hard. That very easy to operate stick on the side of your steering column was put there by a very nice factory worker, whose job it is to assemble such a product that will help keep you safe from harm, by allowing you to show others what direction you are heading. Yet, many of you find the concept of “stick up” or “stick down” too confusing. Or is it the myriad of directions to choose from (hint: it’s two) that you find daunting?

It’s free to join a library. What does that have to do with a car you ask? Well, any good citizen can walk into their nearest library with their library card and check out a fairly decent sized book to place underneath their backside that will allow them the accessibility to see over the dashboard. Seriously…if you are 4’6″ tall, why on Earth would you purchase a car you need a step ladder to climb into?? You’ll see these people (usually the elderly, as they have a tendency to shrink after they’ve hit a certain age) driving these leviathan vehicles that wouldn’t look out of place rolling into a naval yard and all you can see is a mop of white hair poking over the steering wheel (to help you imagine it, here is a visual aid):

Sometimes the old folks are dressed much the same way, but that’s a blog for another time (and therapy session).

Lastly, if the posted speed limit is 35 mph, please feel free to travel that speed. If you are feeling particularly sluggish that day and there is a line of cars behind you like the world’s biggest automotive conga line, pull over. I implore you: PULL OVER! And if you have a bumper sticker that says “I may be slow, but I’m ahead of you”, I’d seriously like to say that I will follow you to your destination and confront you for your wanton stupidity, but we both know that I will die of old age prior to arriving as we are moving at the speed of dirt. I’ve rolled my eyes faster than you drive, for crying out loud.

Thus ends today’s sermon. I’d write more, but it’s very hard to blog while I’m driving.